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Daniel Kurtzman offers 10 reasons why Sarah Palin decided to resign: "4. Her daughter Bristol is actually having Alex Rodriguez's baby. ... 1. She didn't resign at all. It was an elaborate hoax pulled off by Tina Fey."
ANCHORAGE (The Borowitz Report) -- Moments after Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin announced her resignation from office, comedians from coast to coast held candlelight vigils to mourn what one comic called "a devastating loss."
"To say that we are heartbroken is a massive understatement," said Shecky Sheinbaum, a regular headliner at Cincinnati's Laugh Hut. "I feel like the chicken crossing the road has been run over by a truck before it gets to the other side."
Oh somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light;
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout,
But there's no joy in Charleston-mighty Sanford has struck out.
Colbert's review of The Clinton Curse after the flip.